Goodbye My Lover
by PottersChick7
Summary: He lost everything in the battle and now is striving to say goodbye.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Harry Potter or the song _Goodbye My Lover_ by James Blunt.

And now, without further ado, here is the first chapter. Check the note at the bottom to see what you must do to get the second chapter.

Chapter 1

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

The death toll took many people I knew, but most importantly, my fiancée. It was the final battle and we were winning. One spell went off target and hit her in the back, while she was fighting another. The last thing I saw were her beautiful brown eyes, staring at me before she died, almost accusing me of ducking instead of blocking, blaming me for her painful death.

'_Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,_

_Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._

We beat Voldemort, we had won the war, and yet I had lost everything.

_So I took what's mine by eternal right._

_Took your soul out into the night._

That evening, in the midst of all of the celebrations, I knew I had to go. I couldn't be around people so happy.

_It may be over but it won't stop there,_

_I am here for you if you'd only care._

Can you see me? I'm here, waiting for my time to meet with you again. With any luck, it will be soon.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul._

_You changed my life and all my goals._

_And love is blind but that I knew when,_

_My heart was blinded by you._

_I've kissed your lips and held your head,_

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

I guess I should have known you were carrying our child. Every day for a week before the battle, I was in the bathroom with you as emptied what little was left in your stomach. I should have guessed, and kept you away from the battle. If only I had known. You were so determined to fight! I think you already knew, and that was why your mother had been so vehement in her arguments for you to stay behind.

_I know you well, I know your smell._

_I've been addicted to you._

Since sixth year, I've never thought of anyone else, or seen myself with anyone other than you. It was always you from then on. Always you.

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

The only comfort I have is that eventually, I will see you again.

_I am a dreamer but when I wake,_

_You can't break my spirit – it's my dreams you take._

Every night, I've dreamed of you. Of happy times, yes, but always ending with your last moments and your eyes, accusing me of killing you.

_And as you move on, remember me,_

_Remember us and all we used to be._

I pray that when I die, I won't forget, so I know that you didn't either. I couldn't bear it to see you again and not know who you are. I couldn't bear to forget the love of my life.

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._

_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

_I'd be the father of your child._

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

I was to be a father, boy or girl, I may never know, but that which cuts as deeply as your death is that of our child who wasn't even quite a month along. I didn't even know until they did the routine exam to check for signs of life and they said that there were two still hearts, yours and our child's.

_I know your fears and you know mine._

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine,_

_And I love you, I swear that's true,_

_I cannot live without you._

I have no idea how I am ever going to be able to do anything. Will I be able to move on at all? Or will I always dwell on you and how it's my fault that you're gone? Everyone says it wasn't my fault, but I know. I made the choice that you could fight, overruled your parents as your intended. I ducked the curse instead of even attempting to block it, even though I knew you were somewhere behind me.

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

You have been everything to me, as needed. My friend, when I needed advice or comfort, my lover, when I finally pulled my head out of my ass, and my fiancée, long before we knew about our child.

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

_And I still hold your hand in mine,_

_In mine when I'm asleep._

I always dream that you're there beside me, and I wake up, expecting to see you and hear you telling me that it was all a dream.

_And I will bear my soul in time,_

_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

I will never receive absolution for what I did until I can see you again. My only hope is that you can forgive me.

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

_Goodbye my lover, _

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

The only one I ever loved. Anyone that came before was merely passing fancy before I realized that I had always loved you.

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow_

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow_

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow_

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

Perhaps I should end it all. I'll see you again; spend the rest of eternity with you. Even if after death, all of the atoms of our bodies are split apart, I'll search for you forever. I'll never stop. Never.

A/N: Okay, here's the deal. I want at least 10 reviews of who you think is talking and about whom they are talking. Also, not more than 2 reviews per person (cough EMA cough). Once I get that many, I will post the second chapter. It may be influenced by your votes! I have written it but if I get a ton of reviews saying it should be someone else, I may very well change it. If I don't get enough reviews by next weekend, I will post the second chapter anyway, but I want opinions people!


	2. The Funeral

_So, It's been ages and I just realized that I never put up the second chapter…though that may have something to do with the lack of reviews…anyway, here it is._

_Disclaimer: I only own two copies of each book in English plus 1-6 in en français and #2 en español (don't know why since no one in my family speaks Spanish)._

The Funeral

"We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of a beloved daughter, sister, and fiancée. She was first in the hearts of many and she will be missed terribly. It is time now to say goodbye to a beautiful person who can never be replaced. She died giving her life in a battle for the greater good so that a great evil could be defeated once and for all…"

The speaker kept rattling on, and he wondered why it was that speakers at funerals could never get it right. They would waffle on for ages and yet never really describe the person. At Dumbledore's funeral, the speaker only ever spoke of the side that the public saw; a powerful man who would always be right. He had never mentioned the side that most of the school saw, the slightly nutty side that was addicted to lemon drops and that endeared him to so many of his students. Now, he was only talking about one side of the woman he loved. The speech only spoke of how she was when they were at school; an intelligent and stubborn girl who rarely let anything get in her way, even her boyfriend. It never touched the side that was so tender, so caring. It never touched the fierce side she showed when anyone she loved was in trouble. He knew, of course, that a speech of his own would only really give one dimension of her as well, assuming that he could get through it without crying.

"…and now I ask that we all have a moment for our silent goodbye to a sister, a daughter, a fiancée, and an expecting mother and her child."

As one, everyone in the hall bowed his or her head to say goodbye. Not one of them in the front row, Harry and the entire Weasley family, could stem the tears. None of the boys seemed to think of themselves as unmanly as they cried. Molly finally broke down sobbing as the six Weasley boys carried the coffin out of the hall towards the cemetery.

He found that the funeral procession behind the redheaded coffin bearers was surprisingly large. The Hall of Mourning, as it was commonly called, was large enough to hold a thousand people, so a group of two hundred looked tiny. In attendance was every family member imaginable, all of the friends of the family along with their families, the entire Order of the Phoenix, most of the staff of Hogwarts, and all of their year-mates and their immediate families, whether they had been great friends or not. It didn't really matter to him, though he supposed she would be happy to know that so many would feel her loss.

As the other mourners left, Harry and the Weasleys stayed for their private farewells.

Over the next few days, he kept coming back for an hour or two. He kept trying to say what was in his heart. Each time, he would get there and he wouldn't be able to articulate his feelings for one reason or another. At first, he had no idea how to say what he felt and once he knew, he couldn't stop crying long enough to say it.

About a week after the funeral, he was finally able to calm down long enough to say his private goodbye.

"I guess I want to say that I'm sorry, yet again, for what I did. Everyone keeps saying that it wasn't my fault, how would I know if I ducked one spell instead of blocking that it would cause your death? I feel like I should have known better, like I should have been able to save you. You've never really needed saving before, and I guess I finally got out of the habit of trying. You always said the thing you hated about me was that I always wanted to see you safe, even if it meant breaking up our team. I think every guy in the Order, silently or not, protested having the women fight with us, because so many of us had such an attachment that we were more concerned for your well being than our own. I just…" He broke down and started crying again. "I just wish," he sobbed out. "I just wish there was or had been a way for me to say good-bye to you, but you were taken so quickly. I want to know what it was that I did that deserved losing you. Was it the fact that I could be such a git, or did I do something even worse and not even know it? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, have a family, grow old together, and now that wish has been torn away. For all I know, I may never see you again. Who knows what happens after death? Do we still have any sort of senses in an afterlife? Or do we just snuff out? I hope for our sake, there is a sort of afterlife so I can spend the rest of eternity with you, after apologizing for the first few centuries. Perhaps our child will be able to be born, as odd as that sounds, or perhaps you will be eternally pregnant.

"I just want to know that you forgive me for what I did. For everything I did to make your life somehow less than what it should have been. Maybe I could find a way to make a portrait of you, so we can talk again. Or maybe I'm destined to live without you and never be reunited at all, though if there is any greater being with a scrap of compassion, that won't happen. More than anything, I just wanted to say goodbye and I will miss you."

He placed the roses on her grave and stood up. Before he left, he placed a charm on them so they would never fade, just like his love for her.

_A/N: So, I still haven't said who it is, have I? Hehe, I 'll update again soon so don't touch that dial!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Am I mean or what? Here, finally, is the answer as to who this story is about._

"I love you Ginny," Harry said as he walked away. The other Weasleys had already left, leaving only Ron and Hermione to take him back to the Burrow.

_So, there's the end. I've drawn a three chapter fic out a **really** long time, haven't I? Well, The Elton John Collection is coming along nicely and will be updated soon. I already have several chapters finished on that one. I have two brand new stories coming up soon and maybe another to go along with 99 Miles from L.A.. Lily is on the back burner for now, but I have a few ideas coming and it'll get updated eventually._

_-PottersChick7_


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